Dammit! I did it again. Once more sucked into a conversation with Pablo my annoying co-worker. That guy just drones on and on and on and on. I just want to be left alone, but I’m too damned nice. He says something to me, and I guess I’m too nice to ignore it. Suddenly, I’m hooked. A half hour passes, my ears melting from the idiot rays spewing from his tragically dumb mouth. I hate it! What can I do?
How do I stop allowing myself to be sucked into stupid conversations with people that drive me bonkers?
Good Question!
Here are 3 powerful ways out of that habit:
1) STOP!
Just stop! Stop engaging. Stop trying to be thought nice. Stop worrying what others think. You deserve your freedom! You deserve peace. You deserve to live with unmelted ears. You deserve to live far away from the idiot rays of dumb mouths everywhere. So just stop engaging them in conversation.
It’s not that easy, you say?
Bull!
It is that easy. Quit with the need to be everyone’s friend, to be liked by everyone. Quit trying to be Pablo’s chum and pal. Who cares what he wants. He clearly cares little for what you want. Ignore the idiot. Life is too short. If some annoying dude or dudette says something to you, simple don’t engage.
Be a jerk. It’s okay!
2) Whack Yourself In The Face With The Backside Of A Hairbrush.
Go ahead, give yourself a few good whacks. Why? Because… Because you clearly enjoy pain. If you keep allowing yourself to engage with pabo’s (Korean for fools) like Pablo, you must really enjoy basking in pain. Otherwise, why would you allow yourself to continue the process? So, since you like pain and yet want to stop this behaviour, then you need to find a substitute action. Whacking yourself in the face with the backside of a hairbrush is a good game to play.
Try it. Go ahead. Give yourself four or five good whackings! Especially do this everytime Pablo shows his face near you. Probably he will think that since you’re busy whacking yourself, you’ll be too busy to talk. He’ll probably just decide to come back later when you are not so busy. When he does, go ahead and repeat this tip until he stops coming.
Or…
3) Use your assertive skills, and tell them kindly, with a smile, yet firmly, “No Thank You.”
Tell them, “Can’t Talk: Busy.” If they keep talking despite your firm statement, repeat your
statement again and again. Try keeping your voice friendly and calm. Act like a robot, and repeat. Keep going, adding in every now and then, “bye bye”. I promise, they’ll get the hint after a while.
Now, if you don’t like these tips, or you think you have better ones, please feel free to add to the pile.
If you think these tips won’t work, well then you can go here: surprise.
I can understand the difficulty of it. My friend Andrew asked me the other day if would help him move apartments. I hate moving. I hate moving more than I hate writing a resume. And let me tell you, I hate writing a resume. Arrrggh! (More on that in some other post).
The point is my friend asked me for my help. What made this situation worse is that my friend expected my help because a few weeks earlier, he had helped me write an essay for school. I needed information for an essay, and he provided me with an excellent technique for synthesizing the information I had gathered. I was really grateful. That gratitude he was hopeful would motivate me to help him move the contents of his apartment.
Wrong!
Moving apartments, as I said, is something I hate. Composing an essay is something the both of us like. It was not a big burden for him to help me. So, the help he needed is not the same as the help I needed. Right?
Well, whether you agree with me or not doesn’t matter. What does matter is that there are times when we need to say “no” to people. And there are times when saying “no” produces a feeling of guilt. So, how do we say “no” without hurting someone elses feelings, as well as, our own?
I have three tips.
1) Give up the fight. Chances are you can’t say “no” without hurting someone’s feelings. Especially as in the case I described above. And so what? Their feelings, their expectations are their issue. Yes they may be your friend, and yes you may want them to have good feelings, but a friend can’t be everything to everyone. And your feelings are not my responsibility. Your expectations are not mine to meet. If I want to meet your expectations, then I will. If I do not, I will not. And, I need not feel bad about that or submit myself to my own pain just to make you happy. How is that being loving?
So how can I say “no” without hurting your feelings? I can’t. So what? Hurt feelings are a part of life. Disappointment is a part of life. Get over it, and solve the problem. Find someone else. I’m sure there are some people out there who like helping people move. Not me!
2) When you say “no”, say it with a gentle smile and soft eyes. Don’t try to make the person understand you, let you off the hook. Just say no. If they understand you, accept your decision, agree with your position or not is NOT your problem. You have a right to say NO. If they like it or not, so what? Say “no” as politely as possible, but say it anyhow. Why? Because that is what you want. And as an act of self-love, what you want is often enough.
3) Don’t let that guilt you feel walk you into doing what you don’t want. Usually when I say “no” I feel guilty. I feel guilty and bad. Why? Who knows? Probably sometime when I was young, I learned to be ashamed of my own right to live as I want. I probably learned to feel bad whenever I said “no”. Well so what? That was then, this is now. I refuse to allow the feeling of guilt for saying “no” manipulate me into doing what I really do not want to do. Is this selfish? I don’t know, and I don’t care. My freedom is more important than listening to the guilt I was trained to obey. If I want to help someone, I will. And, I do. But, there are times when I do not want to. And that is okay! It’s more than okay. It’s down right RIGHT!
I’m sure there are more tips as to how to say “no” to people. I’d love to hear your advice. I know that if I had heard this advice a few years ago, it would have saved me a lot of frustration headaches and sour stomachs. Hope the information helps.
If it doesn't, then go here: http://www.webheights.net/lovethyself/smith/no.htm
Dammit! I did it again. Once more sucked into a conversation with Pablo my annoying co-worker. That guy just drones on and on and on and on. I just want to be left alone, but I’m too damned nice. He says something to me, and I guess I’m too nice to ignore it. Suddenly, I’m hooked. A half hour passes, my ears melting from the idiot rays spewing from his tragically dumb mouth. I hate it! What can I do?