How To Be A Person That Can Effect Behavioral Change In Others

There is a common saying that there are only so many things a person can control. People, places and things are three that you and I really cannot control. We can try, we can work hard to achieve control over these things, but in the long run any change we manage to create is almost always only temporary.

When it comes to people, trying to manipulate and control them is often cause for both their resentment toward us and for our resentment toward them.

“Dammit!" we demand, "Just do what I want!”

The bottom line: trying to control people is really hard. In fact, it's a down-right pain in the ass.

But there are some ways that we can produce behavioral change in others. Here are five you can use to work toward the results you wish to achieve.

1) Care. It’s simple, really. Just work toward caring for other people, especially the people you want to change. If you do not really care, the persuasion of love is nil. Love is a persuader. But it has to be genuine. If you don’t care, then the intent of your influence is but manipulative. Care equals desiring the best for the other. People usually respond to another persons care.

2) Let Go. Let go of the result of your attempts to influence. Trying to managed and control the outcome of your attempt is really just that…control. Control is an intent. And to be effective at influencing people, you have to let go of the result of your efforts. Care, but demand not that the person do exactly as you wish! Let go and let God, so to speak. Allow life to live it’s own way. Live your life and let others live theirs. If they want what you are offering, they’ll reach out and grab it. Trust the process, and let go.

3) Avoid the argument. Avoid trying to prove yourself right. In so doing, you’re essentially saying the other person is wrong. Is this not wrong? Every person on the planet has a vested interest in trying to be right. According to the laws of psychology, our ego demands it. Everything we do, we are in an attempt to protect ourselves. To protect our mind, our ego creates a “right” shell. To break past that right shell with argument or force is nearly impossible. Even if you win the argument, the person will defend their “wrongness” as a form of right. …just trust me, arguments like I’m trying to win right now do not work. Avoid them!

4) Model the behaviour. Be the change you want to see in others. But, be prepared to be patient. Being the change means being okay if others think you are a freak. And take no time to tell you that they think such. Work hard at attracting people through your actions rather than through your promotional tactics. Be the real deal, the real MaCoy. Be genuine. Nothing sells like authenticity and sincerity.

5) Listen. The best way to accomplish all of the above and to affect change in others is to Listen. Listen listen listen listen listen. …then listen some more. Stop being in such a hurry to say something. Stop the train of thoughts buzzing, the argument forming, the dreams drifting while others are talking. Focus on the moment, your breath, here and now. Keep the mind blank except for the thing that the other is saying. Form arguments after you have processed the words of the other, if need be. Allow others to be heard. Give them your eyes, your non-verbals, your full and undivided attention. Learn the art of active listening. It’ll make a huge difference in your relationships, and in your ability to influence.

If anything, it’ll be a silencer of you. And the bottom line of influence is keep your mouth shut. Talkers tend to manipulate. Listeners allow for change to occur. Be an ocean. An ocean never speaks. It only listens. Yet, it’s power and ability to effect change is unparalleled.

So, stop trying to control, instead learn to be influential. To be an influential communicator, practice the above steps.

All for today.

How To Give A Review That Excites Your Audience!

I belong to Toastmasters.

I love Toastmasters, and I love everyone who is a part of that fantastic club. …okay, not everyone. But I at least respect everyone. It takes a hell of a lot of courage to get up in front of complete strangers and speak. So, to everyone who joins and participates in TM, you rock!

Every now and then, however, there are people who really struggle with their speeches. They struggle to understand how to make their speeches entertaining. It took me a long time to learn how to put together a speech, and I’m certainly no where near where I want to be. I believe, though, that I know a little bit.

Because of that brazen assumption, I’d like to tell you today how to prepare a mini-speech—sometimes called a Review—that is designed to introduce something to the audience that you, as a speaker, find interesting. That thing can be a movie, a philosophy, a book, a restaurant, a park, or just about anything you feel excited enough to talk about.

Of course, as a speaker who’s excited about your subject, you want to inspire and excite your audience enough to experience the thing you’re discussing. If they go, then you two will have something in common that the both of you can discuss later on.

Knowing this, it’s important that when preparing your review, you consider these 3 points:

First, always always always chose one, and I mean ONLY ONE, unique selling point. Remember that a Review in Toastmasters is only to be two minutes in length. One unique selling point is all you have time to talk about.

What is it that you like about the thing you are sharing with us? What are you certain to be the big benefit that the audience is likely to get from the thing you are sharing. For example, you might be sharing with us a book that you enjoyed. What about the book do you think the audience will appreciate? Think hard. Then, after you’ve given it a good think, decide what the one unique selling point is, and move on to point number 2…

Second, state that unique selling point as a short, concise question that you’ll spend the next two minutes answering. For example, you might ask the audience: “Tired of reading boring books about stupid dumb people?” So what is the USP of this question? The selling point is that the book you are reviewing will probably be a book that is not a boring book about stupid dumb people. Instead, it will probably be about something else. That something else is the thing I’ll describe in point 3…

Finally, answer the question by explaining the unique selling point. The question that you posed in the introduction is actually a problem that needs to be solved in your brief review. This should be easy to do in a simple way within the two minute time frame.

The best way for me to explain this is to write a mock version of a review:

“Fellow Toastmasters and Welcome guests…Tired of reading boring books about stupid dumb people? Well have I got a solution for you! This book is anything but boring. It’s packed with awesome characters who talk funny and creative, who are smart, and are positively cool. It’s the story of Bob who is a really silly man who just so happens to love a unique lady named Veronica. Unfortunately, the woman is in love with only her dog, so she find’s Bob quite ugly.

The ending is unlike anything you could ever possibly expect. It’s exciting and bizarre, and I really recommend it. If you’d like to know more, please ask me during 2nd Round. (If you are unfamiliar with 2nd Round, that’s where all the Toastmasters people go out after a meeting and socialize).

Briefly, you should know that you can buy this book at any bookstore. It costs about 9000 Korean won.

So, do yourselves a favour….if you’re tired of reading dull books about dumb people, try this book. It’ll excite you and entertain you. Mr. Toastmaster…”

So there you have it. Follow my tips, and you’ll be able to create a moderately super fantastic Review.

If you have any additional advice, do yourself a favour and make your own damned blog!

Just kidding! Feel free to leave a comment or eight. Much appreciated.

For more information on how to write good speeches, go here: SPEECH TIPS.